The spouse or significant other that gets dragged along into the business school experience and is quickly labeled a “Sig-O” will share in a lot of the difficulties of school with limited access to the upside. There are a couple steps one can take to alleviate some of this transitional friction.
For most Sig-O’s they will find themselves in a new city, void of the social structure and the group of family or friends that they had prior to moving. At the same time you will be barraged with more new friends and acquaintances than you have had since freshman year in college. On top of that, the one person your Sig-O knows in this new town, YOU, will have much less time than normal for the two of you.
During orientation there will be many events away from school, this is a great time to meet students and other Sig-O’s while they are still in the meeting new people super-phase. Missing these events will greatly inhibit the ability for your Sig-O to start creating that new social group.
As I discussed in the Career Switching post, orientation will also provide an opportunity to sign up for clubs. Most of these clubs will be school related, but some will have strong social components. At my school we had a Wine club, Salsa club, Outdoor club, Joint Venture (specifically for couples) and a few more. All of these clubs allowed Sig-O’s to join and depending on your tastes one or more of these would be great to join for both of you.
After orientation ends, the first quarter begins. Unless you are coming straight out of undergrad, your studying days are some years behind you and the amount of work will overwhelm you. Most people who gain access to a top business school have been top academic achievers most of their life, however now they are surrounded by hundreds of people who are exactly the same and who are going to be distributed on the same grading curve. Quickly the excitement of all the new experiences turns to the fear that you will be that one person that gets asked to move on to greener pastures after the end of your first year. While this will not happen to you, the work load from the reading and for most, the new concepts presented, will consume you. The joke is that you should buy a cardboard cutout of yourself for your Sig-O for this period of time because he or she will not be seeing a lot of you. It is true. All that talk about exploring the new surroundings, taking a weekend trip to the place you always wanted to see, learning to sail, whatever it is, will be put on hold. If you are not prepared for this, it will not help the situation. I would like to say there is a magic solution to this, but in reality I think the only way to deal with it is to be aware that it will be reality. When you make your b-school pitch, it should be something like the following – “Do you want to move to a new city with me, where you don’t know anyone and then not see me for four months?” – because that is how it will be.
Before you know it, you will be done with your first set of classes and winter break will be upon you. Second quarter provides little relief if you are recruiting for banking, but for the sane people who seek to avoid 130 hour work weeks, your comfort in the settings, your knowledge of which homework is really not vital and being less rusty in the academic setting will result in much more free time.
If you are studying in the US, January and February offer three day weekends where you should be looking to plan something fun. You need to get ahead of the curve on this as your study group might include people whose idea of a three day weekend is to catch up on all the group work. Be clear with them early on that you will not be available to meet.
Each passing quarter will allow more free time to see your Sig-O and really do all those things that you thought you might do in this new city. If you plan ahead for all of this, it will work out fine, but that is not to say that it will be smooth sailing. Good luck and be prepared.
