Last time, I mentioned some key questions to ask in every essay, and provided this hybrid of many of the things I’ve seen in essay drafts.  Here is the essay again, followed by some evaluation and suggestions for improvement.  Did you notice the things I noticed?

“What is the most difficult professional experience you’ve had and what did you do about it?” (300 word maximum)

While I worked for AdVentCentureCo Inc. from 1997 to until its eventual acquisition by ConHugeCo in 2006, I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, and thereby rose through the ranks.  As a team lead on such projects as SlideChart and the comprehensive KitchenSync, I developed my managerial skills with teams of as many as fifteen people directly under me, including many off-site workers in other offices on the other side of the globe.  There were many challenges associated with a distributed workforce — collaboration on projects with workers in different time zones, language barriers, morale and supervision, even things as simple as team meetings had unexpected obstacles.

My most difficult professional experience came from these global team-management responsibilities.  In one case, our team had to work with some contractors in different country, a place different still from the international offices of AdVentCentureCo Inc.; suddenly, problems seemed to magnify.  Supervision at a distance was hard enough, but without much authority or means of supervising the independent contractors, we encountered many unexpected delays due to misunderstandings and miscommunications.   We were behind schedule, and my reputation for bringing in the team’s contribution on time and under budget was in danger.

My solution in this case was a combination of additional reporting from them and much more frequent communication with that other group; even though it took much more of my time personally, it dramatically reduced the time we were spending on cleanup and revisions.  The independent contractors even found a way to save 10% on the final cost; while I can’t claim that my shift in strategy produced that, the better working relationship I had with them certainly facilitated the transmission of the information.  The fact that our part of the project came in on time is mostly the result of my team’s hard work in the final weeks rather than because of anything I did, but I learned a lot about goal-setting and obstacle-removal in the process, and carried that experience with me into future management arenas.

1.  Did I follow the directions, especially regarding word count? The essay is slightly over the specified word count, but there are extra words and longer phrases that could be cut down or out.

2.  Did I answer all elements of the question? Yes, this essay answers the question, though not as specifically as it could.

3.  If I mentioned facts about myself, did they help make me a more compelling applicant?  If I mentioned facts about the school, did I take the extra step of making them relevant, or was I just “name-dropping”? There is often a struggle between “they can see it on my resume” and “I don’t know how well they read my resume, I should say it again.”  A good rule is to restate something if it helps you, but only to the extent that it helps you; if they want more, they can flip to the resume.  Think of the resume as the charts and tables and appendices at the back of a report:  not needed to understand the report, but there for those who want to dig into the data more.

4.  While I worked for AdVentCentureCo Inc. from 1997 to until its eventual acquisition by ConHugeCo in 2006, I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, and thereby rose through the ranks. This is a good example of too much resume information; if it’s important that they know you worked someplace for nine years, then say that; if it’s important that they know your job ended because of a restructuring, then say that, but throwing it all in is space better devoted to making you look awesome.  It would have been enough to say During my nine years with AdVentCentureCo Inc., I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, especially after I was promoted to team lead.  If they need more, they have the resume.

5.  As a team lead on such projects as SlideChart and the comprehensive KitchenSync . . . If you have reason to expect that your readers will have heard of the products, either in real life or in other essays you’ve written as part of your application, then by all means mention them as you go.  It is often a mistake to assume that, though, so if there is any doubt,  provide some context and relevance.  One of the goals of these essays is to show how you’ve handled responsibility; if the readers do not know how big or how important or how complex the project was or the product is, you’ve missed a chance to impress them.  Better would have been As team lead on such projects as SlideChart, the industry-leading customer management and billing software used in 90% of the 21,000 funeral homes nationwide . . . You can’t assume they know your industry as well as you do.

6.  My reputation.  The author’s reputation appears twice in this essay.  Reputation is important (even very important to some people and some industries!) and can be a valid theme for your essays, but we don’t have context to support that.  As it is, reputation is a self-focused and even self-centered measure of success; better to focus on more external and concrete consequences of a project coming in on time or late.

7.  My solution in this case was a combination of additional reporting from them and much more frequent communication with that other group; even though it took much more of my time personally, it dramatically reduced the time we were spending on cleanup and revisions.  Here, the essay could have been much more specific, giving us a sense of how big the change was.  By quantifying the distance between Point A and Point B, the essay can show the enormity of the problem and the author’s innovation, leadership, and dedication.  Specifics are good to the extent that they show extent or originality:  My solution in this case was a combination of daily reporting in addition to the already-weekly meetings and an emoticon-based real-time shared status system, resulting in a 63% reduction in man-hours spent on cleaning up mistakes.

I hope this post gives you some ideas for how to talk about yourselves; next time, I’ll cover the optional essay!

Last time, I mentioned some key questions to ask in every essay, and provided this hybrid of many of the things I’ve seen in essay drafts.  Here is the essay again, followed by some evaluation and suggestions for improvement.  Did you notice the things I noticed?

“What is the most difficult professional experience you’ve had and what did you do about it?” (300 word maximum)

While I worked for AdVentCentureCo Inc. from 1997 to until its eventual acquisition by ConHugeCo in 2006, I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, and thereby rose through the ranks.  As a team lead on such projects as SlideChart and the comprehensive KitchenSync, I developed my managerial skills with teams of as many as fifteen people directly under me, including many off-site workers in other offices on the other side of the globe.  There were many challenges associated with a distributed workforce — collaboration on projects with workers in different time zones, language barriers, morale and supervision, even things as simple as team meetings had unexpected obstacles.

My most difficult professional experience came from these global team-management responsibilities.  In one case, our team had to work with some contractors in different country, a place different still from the international offices of AdVentCentureCo Inc.; suddenly, problems seemed to magnify.  Supervision at a distance was hard enough, but without much authority or means of supervising the independent contractors, we encountered many unexpected delays due to misunderstandings and miscommunications.   We were behind schedule, and my reputation for bringing in the team’s contribution on time and under budget was in danger.

My solution in this case was a combination of additional reporting from them and much more frequent communication with that other group; even though it took much more of my time personally, it dramatically reduced the time we were spending on cleanup and revisions.  The independent contractors even found a way to save 10% on the final cost; while I can’t claim that my shift in strategy produced that, the better working relationship I had with them certainly facilitated the transmission of the information.  The fact that our part of the project came in on time is mostly the result of my team’s hard work in the final weeks rather than because of anything I did, but I learned a lot about goal-setting and obstacle-removal in the process, and carried that experience with me into future management arenas.

1.  Did I follow the directions, especially regarding word count? The essay is slightly over the specified word count, but there are extra words and longer phrases that could be cut down or out.

2.  Did I answer all elements of the question? Yes, this essay answers the question, though not as specifically as it could.

3.  If I mentioned facts about myself, did they help make me a more compelling applicant?  If I mentioned facts about the school, did I take the extra step of making them relevant, or was I just “name-dropping”? There is often a struggle between “they can see it on my resume” and “I don’t know how well they read my resume, I should say it again.”  A good rule is to restate something if it helps you, but only to the extent that it helps you; if they want more, they can flip to the resume.  Think of the resume as the charts and tables and appendices at the back of a report:  not needed to understand the report, but there for those who want to dig into the data more.

4.  While I worked for AdVentCentureCo Inc. from 1997 to until its eventual acquisition by ConHugeCo in 2006, I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, and thereby rose through the ranks. This is a good example of too much resume information; if it’s important that they know you worked someplace for nine years, then say that; if it’s important that they know your job ended because of a restructuring, then say that, but throwing it all in is space better devoted to making you look awesome.  It would have been enough to say During my nine years with AdVentCentureCo Inc., I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, especially after I was promoted to team lead.  If they need more, they have the resume.

5.  As a team lead on such projects as SlideChart and the comprehensive KitchenSync . . . If you have reason to expect that your readers will have heard of the products, either in real life or in other essays you’ve written as part of your application, then by all means mention them as you go.  It is often a mistake to assume that, though, so if there is any doubt,  provide some context and relevance.  One of the goals of these essays is to show how you’ve handled responsibility; if the readers do not know how big or how important or how complex the project was or the product is, you’ve missed a chance to impress them.  Better would have been As team lead on such projects as SlideChart, the industry-leading customer management and billing software used in 90% of the 21,000 funeral homes nationwide . . . You can’t assume they know your industry as well as you do.

6.  My reputation.  The author’s reputation appears twice in this essay.  Reputation is important (even very important to some people and some industries!) and can be a valid theme for your essays, but we don’t have context to support that.  As it is, reputation is a self-focused and even self-centered measure of success; better to focus on more external and concrete consequences of a project coming in on time or late.

7.  My solution in this case was a combination of additional reporting from them and much more frequent communication with that other group; even though it took much more of my time personally, it dramatically reduced the time we were spending on cleanup and revisions.  Here, the essay could have been much more specific, giving us a sense of how big the change was.  By quantifying the distance between Point A and Point B, the essay can show the enormity of the problem and the author’s innovation, leadership, and dedication.  Specifics are good to the extent that they show extent or originality:  My solution in this case was a combination of daily reporting in addition to the already-weekly meetings and an emoticon-based real-time shared status system, resulting in a 63% reduction in man-hours spent on cleaning up mistakes.

I hope this post gives you some ideas for how to talk about yourselves; next time, I’ll cover the optional essay!

We are of course at the beginning of MBA application season, so it’s time for another installment from the hypothetical archives, where I present to you examples of the types of things people write in the drafts of their essays.  There are some questions you should ask yourself on every essay; I alluded to them last time, but here I shall state them outright:

1. Did I follow the directions, especially regarding word count?
2. Did I answer all elements of the question?
3. If I mentioned facts about myself, did they help make me a more compelling applicant?  If I mentioned facts about the school, did I take the extra step of making them relevant, or was I just “name-dropping”?

There are many other things to consider in writing and revising your essays — spelling, grammar, punctuation, style, tone — but in my experience, most MBA applicants have a decent sense of those, even if they are not always able to produce them on their own.  What many applicants struggle with is what to say, rather than how to say it (though many need a little help with that too).

I’ve made this essay a little less “bad” than the last one, but there are still some things that should be changed or could be improved.

“What is the most difficult professional experience you’ve had and what did you do about it?” (300 word maximum)

While I worked for AdVentCentureCo Inc. from 1997 to until its eventual acquisition by ConHugeCo in 2006, I faced many challenges as I built my skills and reputation, and thereby rose through the ranks.  As a team lead on such projects as SlideChart and the comprehensive KitchenSync, I developed my managerial skills with teams of as many as fifteen people directly under me, including many off-site workers in other offices on the other side of the globe.  There were many challenges associated with a distributed workforce — collaboration on projects with workers in different time zones, language barriers, morale and supervision, even things as simple as team meetings had unexpected obstacles.

My most difficult professional experience came from these global team-management responsibilities.  In one case, our team had to work with some contractors in different country, a place different still from the international offices of AdVentCentureCo Inc.; suddenly, problems seemed to magnify.  Supervision at a distance was hard enough, but without much authority or means of supervising the independent contractors, we encountered many unexpected delays due to misunderstandings and miscommunications.   We were behind schedule, and my reputation for bringing in the team’s contribution on time and under budget was in danger.

My solution in this case was a combination of additional reporting from them and much more frequent communication with that other group; even though it took much more of my time personally, it dramatically reduced the time we were spending on cleanup and revisions.  The independent contractors even found a way to save 10% on the final cost; while I can’t claim that my shift in strategy produced that, the better working relationship I had with them certainly facilitated the transmission of the information.  The fact that our part of the project came in on time is mostly the result of my team’s hard work in the final weeks rather than because of anything I did, but I learned a lot about goal-setting and obstacle-removal in the process, and carried that experience with me into future management arenas.

Next time, we’ll cover how to make the essay better!

Business school essays are no joke. Both talking up limited work experience and picking highlights from longer careers are a real challenge with restrictive word counts, and while your dream school has read thousands of admissions essays, you probably haven’t written a single one since you applied to college back in . . . was it really that long ago?  No pressure at all, right?

This is the first of a series highlighting the issues with some common business school essay questions. These essays are not models of good behavior! These are creative collections of the errors, issues, and problems I’ve seen over the years, the principles I’ve used to edit them, and fixes I’ve suggested. They will not be one laughable mistake after another though – these small works of fiction are meant to be real-ish examples of what people give me when they ask me to edit their work. Since blogs are much more interesting when there is some back-and-forth, I will post the initial essay here and ask you, the MBA aspirant, to tell me what you think the issues are. I plan on avoiding spelling mistakes and typos (point them out if they slip in!), though other Sentence Correction issues like modifying phrases and unclear pronouns may make occasional appearances just for variety.

The question prompts are real prompts with some small edits, though in some cases I’ve changed the word counts.

Here we go!

Why have you chosen to pursue a Part-Time MBA? Why is this the appropriate time for you to begin? (300 word maximum)

Ever since I was a child, I have admired those who took risks to achieve their goals. People who pursued their dreams. Even though both of my parents are divorce lawyers and expected me to follow in their footsteps, my path has always been focused much more on technology and computers. I can remember helping my grandmother send her first e-mail much more clearly than I can remember my mistaken desire to fight a parking ticket in court, which says a lot about me I think. I have always wanted to work at the intersection of technology avenue and people street, and I think a part-time MBA from Awesome Business College will give me the tools to achieve my own goals, to pursue my own dreams.

A part-time MBA from ABC gives me the opportunity to get the much-needed “general” knowledge about the business world that I will need to take my career to the next level, whatever that is. I’ve always dreamed of owning my own company, and something related to technology seems like a perfect fit given my strong background in both programming and the end-user experience. I’d like to learn how to design services and products, test them, market them, launch them, collect feedback on them, strategize corporate positioning, and just learn how to office correctly. The classes at ABC are of course the familiar centerpiece of its world-class education, but the amazing faculty and diverse and highly-qualified students at ABC are as much a part of the learning process! The classes in a vacuum would simply not convey as much information. I find that I learn a great deal from both books and other people, so having an academic program that does both will give me the best of both worlds.

As for “why now?”, I am at a point in my career where it makes sense. I can’t really get promoted at my current employer because the next level of management is far from retirement in this economy (but then, that’s true of most people). I will almost certainly get a better job on completing my ABC MBA because of its fantastic network of distinguished alumni and international movers and shakers, like G.S. Bailey, whom I saw was a graduate of ABC in the recent CNN article about him. ABC is the right school for me right now, and I am excited to be a part of it.

Editorial comments next time!